This presence

It sweeeps through our houses and our hearts around this time of year. But the rest of the year we seem to sweep it under a rug. Stick it in a corner. Place it on a shelf and forget about it only to find it a year later and once again be so proud of it.
I'm not really sure where it comes from or why it roars it's head around this time of year, but I'm thankful that it does. (Ha! I'm thankful for Thanksgiving). I'm glad to see my family. I'm thankful for the fights with my brother- it reminds me of growing up with a house full of noise. With screaming. With crying. With the stupid stuff that we would get upset about only to forget about it by the time mom came to ask what all the noise was about.
I'm thankful for my sister and for her opinions- ha. And let me tell you, she has them. And I love it. I don't know what I would do without her and the way she views life. The way that she views MY life. The way she tries to protect me and keep anything bad from happening to me. I swear, she'd fight the entire universe if she could and if she thought it'd keep me from ever crying again.
She wants me to do what she wants, not because she's controlling, but because she thinks she knows what will keep me safe. What will make me happy and the best way for me to live that will keep me from ever getting hurt...and the truth is, I don't care that she's like that, it let's me know that I'm loved and cared for. And I cherish that my sister loves me enough to never want me hurt and to try and keep it from happening.
I'm thankful for my brother in law- he deals with Leah. HA! I couldn't imagine anyone else being my other brother. And I joke when I say that he deals with Leah, the truth is that he deals with the rest of us because he loves Leah that much- and that's saying something!
I'm thankful for my munchkins- they are all so pure. All so true. All so amazingly wonderful and their own unique personalities are perfect.
I'm thankful for my daddy and the strength that he provides- he's always been like that. He's always been strong for all of us. He's always been good to all of us. I'm thankful that he's my daddy and that's he's helped my mama raise me the way I am. I'm thankful for him teaching me that being a strong girl is ok. And for always backing me up when I needed it, without question.
I'm thankful for my mama and the example that she is- she taught me to be me. That's the great thing about having a stay at home mom. She makes sure of who you're going to become. She let me be a tomboy, but taught me to be a girl at the same time. She and Daddy gave me a love for the scriptures for which I'll always be grateful. She gave me a love for singing and it was my mama who always knew that I'd be a great actress- cause I was a dramatic little kid- ha, I still am. Anyways... it was Mama that always made everything alright. It was Mama who knew when I was crying and always knew/knows what to say. I'm so lucky to have a mother like her!
I'm thankful for my family. It's from them that I've learned to be who I am. And that's a good thing. We all have a passion for singing- which makes that holidays and Christmas music fun. Ha- it makes a road trip fun. But most of all- I'm thankful and lucky to be able to say- we're all Christians. And you can't ask for anything else.


I'm so lucky and at times I forget that- but it's this time of year. I'm always reminded- in the middle of a fight with my brother and his teasing or in the middle of a conversation with my sister- I remember. I remember that I'm lucky. That I'm blessed and that all the times that I get mad and just wish for Kyle to leave me alone or for Leah to just trust a decision I've made- that I shouldn't. That I'm blessed with them. ALL OF THEM. Because I wouldn't know what to do without them. I need them all. And, though, I don't say it enough, I love them all. They deserve a better little sister/ youngest daughter/ aunt than what I am. I don't do them justice... but here's to trying to be better. And trying to make them all proud.

I've learned something today that I think I'd forgotten: No matter what else is going wrong or right- they'll always be here and no matter how aggrivated they may get at me or I may be at them- at the end of the day. They love me and my crazy self and that's got to mean something- cause I can be a handful.

The beautiful thing about my family- it's not just my immediate family that I'm blessed with. I've got two other families. This earthly physical extended family- that I'm enriched by and my spiritual family- that uplifts me and I wouldn't be able to handle this earth without. And I forget that at times too. But I don't think I'll ever forget it again.

I'm thankful to God for you.

My muse

It's amazing to me
That nothing changed
I figured I'd look at you different today
But not me
No
Not me
I see you
I see who you want to be
And nothing else really matters to me

To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life

You make me smile when I see your smile
You make me laugh when I hear your laugh
Your presence is intoxicating
you just being near me
Your touch, so soft
Your eyes, so intense
The way you look at me, no defense
It's all breath-takingly wonderful to me

To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life

I think that I'm lucky
You say that that its you
Whose the lucky one
Out of us two
I just smile and shake my head
But you don't like that
No
You interupt that negative thought
You alter my memory
Just by being you

To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life

To say that I'm falling
Is basically true
But lately the one I've been falling for
Is you

I fail.

Yep, congrats ladies and gentlemen (and nick who doesn't qualify for either of those categories! :D ) you are looking at....well not really looking as so much, reading about, someone who completely fails.
I forgot about my blog. "HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?" you might ask, my reply: I don't know!

School has been super busy! OH MY GOODNESS! I have so many projects looming around me I feel as though they are staring at me while I type this. I have to register for my next semester of basics in the next week or so... UGH!
Oh, and I'm thinking about attending UAB's nursing program instead of Bevill's. Daddy has been saying that he thinks that I really need to get a four year degree (in case I want to teach nursing one day- HA!) so if, I'm going to do that, I might as well start out at the school where I'm going to finish. but I just don't know yet. It all depends on what Julie and I decide... Julie Hubbert is coming back and we are going to be doing nursing together! HAPPY!!!!!!!! Everyone needs a buddy. lol. (Lucy and Ethel; Thelma and Lousie; Monica and Rachel)
So I'm pretty pumped about that!

My sister is in the process of writing a short story for one of her classes and wants me to read the rough draft and give my "honest opinon"... and I'm really exctied about it! I miss writing and critiquing people's work... MAN I MISS AP ENGLISH! notice I said, English, NOT high school.

Anyways, umm... let's see, Me, Jillann, Autumn, Mary Beth, Peyton and Haley went to go see DISNEY ON ICE... and it was AWESOME! ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! I loved it, I felt like a two year old. lol.

OH! And In case you didn't know this: NEW MOON COMES OUT IN TWELVE DAYS! I CAN'T WAIT!

That's pretty much it for now. I'm not really all that interesting anymore. Which is happy. Less drama. lol!

thank you michael buble....just saying:

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up And Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid That I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet Mmmmm .... I Might Have To Wait I'll Never Give Up I Guess It's Half Timing And The Other Half's Luck Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Possibility Mmmmm ...... And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet They Say All's Fair And In Love And War But I Won't Need To Fight It We'll Get It Right And We'll Be United And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility Mmmm ..... And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out And I'll Work To Work It Out Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet I Just Haven't Met You Yet Oh Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet

My nothingness...

Nothing really interesting has been going on as of late.
No drama... much... :D

Let's see... School is fine and boring.
I'm ready to go crazy with nothing to do in the afternoons and that's not going to change in the near future.

Oh bless... that's all I have to say...

To say that I'm worried...

would be an understatement.

I can't explain what it's about, but I have a friend in trouble. And for once there really may be nothing that I can do to help him... I've never faced that before. I've always been able to make something better. But I can't. I really can't this time.

So pray. Pray for him. I can't explain it, but he needs it.

I'm scared.

It's funny to me...

Some days I am all calm and collected and glad I stayed home to go to school... others- not so much. On days when I'm bored and wanting to hang out with someone, I find myself longing for Faulkner and all my friends there, but then the LOGIC outways the impulsiveness of stupidity (which would be what going to Faulkner was/is) and I realize that I am right where I NEED to be.
Weird- it's weird to have two conflicting emotions running through your brain...

I have a question, another one I am pondering:

Is it possible for you to make a wrong decision when the outcome isn't necessarily bad either way?
Hypothetically speaking:
Guy A- an amazing person an amazing Christian...
Guy B- an amzing person an amazing Christian...

How is it possible to know if you made the right choice? How can you tell whether or not things are going to be ok?
I know, I know, trust in God... but that is HARD!

Ok- and here's another one:
Is it possible for you to choose a different "path" than what God wants you to? I know we are free moral agents, but hear me out-
God knows what we are going to choose; God knows what's best for us. Everyone always says "if it's God's will and God has a plan for you"... so here's my question- what if by providence God brought someone into your life (obviously you're not sure it was providence because you can't actually pin point that- but you have a good idea it was)... but then you made a decision that made that situation change- is that a bad thing? Have "you" done something wrong?

HOW DO YOU KNOW if the decision that you made is right? I mean, it's not inherently wrong, but if could be wrong for you? HOW DO YOU KNOW? And how am I... I mean "you"... how are you not going to go crazy thinking about all of this!?!?!