I've always viewed the world a certain way. Things were either Right or the were Wrong. And there was no in between for me. There was no little gray area. And there certainly wasn't a big gray area... until now.
And the sad part? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM!
It's like... I don't know... I reason things out more now. I can hear other people's views and not just be thinking "wow... you're wrong and you're kind of an idiot." NO. I listen. Which is strange... but seems to be working out better because as long as I listen and think rationally about things, I keep from getting hurt or hurting someone else, right?
Maybe that's the difference. Maybe it's not that I found my gray area, but rather I've learned to think more than react. It's a whole new concept to me and I don't really know what to do with it.
Here's my new question to ponder:
Do people mean what they say?
Seriously. At face value am I just supposed to believe what everyone says. OR is there more? Is there more that I am supposed to decipher or am I just supposed to know that when it regarding a certain subject- people don't really say what they feel or think.
It's like when someone says "I'm just kidding"... no you werent'. You say that to keep someone from being mad at you or to keep from sounding like a jerk.
"I don't care".... you do. You just don't want to admit it.
"Just wondering"... well why were you wondering. What do you think? What did you really wanna know and why?
"I don't know"... yes you do. Or you wouldn't have brought it...
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to figure people out. And I'm trying to learn to read people... mainly because I'm starting to think that not everyone is like me. Not everyone is blunt and will say what they think/ feel about anything... And I think that it might help if I focus more on the little gray parts... like facial expressions. Actions. Reactions. I might find more answers that way.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
THE WORLD'S WORST LUCK!
That's right ladies and gentlemen... you make think that you are unlucky or have bad luck, but you my friend, have nothing on me. I'm just saying.
Who else could go to work only to run into an ex who wasn't supposed to be there or at least I was unaware that he would be here... I was sporting my sweats and an old t-shirt that he gave me. It was attractive- I had wet hair too. It was interesting. But I really wanna punch myself for wearing this shirt. It's the shirt I got after our one month- rather for our one month. WHO HAS THIS LUCK I ASK YOU? answer- no one... but me. YAY ME!
Anyone wanna trade karma.... or destiny... because I'm really starting to believe that there's nothing I can do to stop all of this and that I have no control over it!
interesting....
Who else could go to work only to run into an ex who wasn't supposed to be there or at least I was unaware that he would be here... I was sporting my sweats and an old t-shirt that he gave me. It was attractive- I had wet hair too. It was interesting. But I really wanna punch myself for wearing this shirt. It's the shirt I got after our one month- rather for our one month. WHO HAS THIS LUCK I ASK YOU? answer- no one... but me. YAY ME!
Anyone wanna trade karma.... or destiny... because I'm really starting to believe that there's nothing I can do to stop all of this and that I have no control over it!
interesting....
Thursday, November 26, 2009
This presence
It sweeeps through our houses and our hearts around this time of year. But the rest of the year we seem to sweep it under a rug. Stick it in a corner. Place it on a shelf and forget about it only to find it a year later and once again be so proud of it.
I'm not really sure where it comes from or why it roars it's head around this time of year, but I'm thankful that it does. (Ha! I'm thankful for Thanksgiving). I'm glad to see my family. I'm thankful for the fights with my brother- it reminds me of growing up with a house full of noise. With screaming. With crying. With the stupid stuff that we would get upset about only to forget about it by the time mom came to ask what all the noise was about.
I'm thankful for my sister and for her opinions- ha. And let me tell you, she has them. And I love it. I don't know what I would do without her and the way she views life. The way that she views MY life. The way she tries to protect me and keep anything bad from happening to me. I swear, she'd fight the entire universe if she could and if she thought it'd keep me from ever crying again.
She wants me to do what she wants, not because she's controlling, but because she thinks she knows what will keep me safe. What will make me happy and the best way for me to live that will keep me from ever getting hurt...and the truth is, I don't care that she's like that, it let's me know that I'm loved and cared for. And I cherish that my sister loves me enough to never want me hurt and to try and keep it from happening.
I'm thankful for my brother in law- he deals with Leah. HA! I couldn't imagine anyone else being my other brother. And I joke when I say that he deals with Leah, the truth is that he deals with the rest of us because he loves Leah that much- and that's saying something!
I'm thankful for my munchkins- they are all so pure. All so true. All so amazingly wonderful and their own unique personalities are perfect.
I'm thankful for my daddy and the strength that he provides- he's always been like that. He's always been strong for all of us. He's always been good to all of us. I'm thankful that he's my daddy and that's he's helped my mama raise me the way I am. I'm thankful for him teaching me that being a strong girl is ok. And for always backing me up when I needed it, without question.
I'm thankful for my mama and the example that she is- she taught me to be me. That's the great thing about having a stay at home mom. She makes sure of who you're going to become. She let me be a tomboy, but taught me to be a girl at the same time. She and Daddy gave me a love for the scriptures for which I'll always be grateful. She gave me a love for singing and it was my mama who always knew that I'd be a great actress- cause I was a dramatic little kid- ha, I still am. Anyways... it was Mama that always made everything alright. It was Mama who knew when I was crying and always knew/knows what to say. I'm so lucky to have a mother like her!
I'm thankful for my family. It's from them that I've learned to be who I am. And that's a good thing. We all have a passion for singing- which makes that holidays and Christmas music fun. Ha- it makes a road trip fun. But most of all- I'm thankful and lucky to be able to say- we're all Christians. And you can't ask for anything else.
I'm so lucky and at times I forget that- but it's this time of year. I'm always reminded- in the middle of a fight with my brother and his teasing or in the middle of a conversation with my sister- I remember. I remember that I'm lucky. That I'm blessed and that all the times that I get mad and just wish for Kyle to leave me alone or for Leah to just trust a decision I've made- that I shouldn't. That I'm blessed with them. ALL OF THEM. Because I wouldn't know what to do without them. I need them all. And, though, I don't say it enough, I love them all. They deserve a better little sister/ youngest daughter/ aunt than what I am. I don't do them justice... but here's to trying to be better. And trying to make them all proud.
I've learned something today that I think I'd forgotten: No matter what else is going wrong or right- they'll always be here and no matter how aggrivated they may get at me or I may be at them- at the end of the day. They love me and my crazy self and that's got to mean something- cause I can be a handful.
The beautiful thing about my family- it's not just my immediate family that I'm blessed with. I've got two other families. This earthly physical extended family- that I'm enriched by and my spiritual family- that uplifts me and I wouldn't be able to handle this earth without. And I forget that at times too. But I don't think I'll ever forget it again.
I'm thankful to God for you.
I'm not really sure where it comes from or why it roars it's head around this time of year, but I'm thankful that it does. (Ha! I'm thankful for Thanksgiving). I'm glad to see my family. I'm thankful for the fights with my brother- it reminds me of growing up with a house full of noise. With screaming. With crying. With the stupid stuff that we would get upset about only to forget about it by the time mom came to ask what all the noise was about.
I'm thankful for my sister and for her opinions- ha. And let me tell you, she has them. And I love it. I don't know what I would do without her and the way she views life. The way that she views MY life. The way she tries to protect me and keep anything bad from happening to me. I swear, she'd fight the entire universe if she could and if she thought it'd keep me from ever crying again.
She wants me to do what she wants, not because she's controlling, but because she thinks she knows what will keep me safe. What will make me happy and the best way for me to live that will keep me from ever getting hurt...and the truth is, I don't care that she's like that, it let's me know that I'm loved and cared for. And I cherish that my sister loves me enough to never want me hurt and to try and keep it from happening.
I'm thankful for my brother in law- he deals with Leah. HA! I couldn't imagine anyone else being my other brother. And I joke when I say that he deals with Leah, the truth is that he deals with the rest of us because he loves Leah that much- and that's saying something!
I'm thankful for my munchkins- they are all so pure. All so true. All so amazingly wonderful and their own unique personalities are perfect.
I'm thankful for my daddy and the strength that he provides- he's always been like that. He's always been strong for all of us. He's always been good to all of us. I'm thankful that he's my daddy and that's he's helped my mama raise me the way I am. I'm thankful for him teaching me that being a strong girl is ok. And for always backing me up when I needed it, without question.
I'm thankful for my mama and the example that she is- she taught me to be me. That's the great thing about having a stay at home mom. She makes sure of who you're going to become. She let me be a tomboy, but taught me to be a girl at the same time. She and Daddy gave me a love for the scriptures for which I'll always be grateful. She gave me a love for singing and it was my mama who always knew that I'd be a great actress- cause I was a dramatic little kid- ha, I still am. Anyways... it was Mama that always made everything alright. It was Mama who knew when I was crying and always knew/knows what to say. I'm so lucky to have a mother like her!
I'm thankful for my family. It's from them that I've learned to be who I am. And that's a good thing. We all have a passion for singing- which makes that holidays and Christmas music fun. Ha- it makes a road trip fun. But most of all- I'm thankful and lucky to be able to say- we're all Christians. And you can't ask for anything else.
I'm so lucky and at times I forget that- but it's this time of year. I'm always reminded- in the middle of a fight with my brother and his teasing or in the middle of a conversation with my sister- I remember. I remember that I'm lucky. That I'm blessed and that all the times that I get mad and just wish for Kyle to leave me alone or for Leah to just trust a decision I've made- that I shouldn't. That I'm blessed with them. ALL OF THEM. Because I wouldn't know what to do without them. I need them all. And, though, I don't say it enough, I love them all. They deserve a better little sister/ youngest daughter/ aunt than what I am. I don't do them justice... but here's to trying to be better. And trying to make them all proud.
I've learned something today that I think I'd forgotten: No matter what else is going wrong or right- they'll always be here and no matter how aggrivated they may get at me or I may be at them- at the end of the day. They love me and my crazy self and that's got to mean something- cause I can be a handful.
The beautiful thing about my family- it's not just my immediate family that I'm blessed with. I've got two other families. This earthly physical extended family- that I'm enriched by and my spiritual family- that uplifts me and I wouldn't be able to handle this earth without. And I forget that at times too. But I don't think I'll ever forget it again.
I'm thankful to God for you.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My muse
It's amazing to me
That nothing changed
I figured I'd look at you different today
But not me
No
Not me
I see you
I see who you want to be
And nothing else really matters to me
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
You make me smile when I see your smile
You make me laugh when I hear your laugh
Your presence is intoxicating
you just being near me
Your touch, so soft
Your eyes, so intense
The way you look at me, no defense
It's all breath-takingly wonderful to me
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
I think that I'm lucky
You say that that its you
Whose the lucky one
Out of us two
I just smile and shake my head
But you don't like that
No
You interupt that negative thought
You alter my memory
Just by being you
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
To say that I'm falling
Is basically true
But lately the one I've been falling for
Is you
That nothing changed
I figured I'd look at you different today
But not me
No
Not me
I see you
I see who you want to be
And nothing else really matters to me
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
You make me smile when I see your smile
You make me laugh when I hear your laugh
Your presence is intoxicating
you just being near me
Your touch, so soft
Your eyes, so intense
The way you look at me, no defense
It's all breath-takingly wonderful to me
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
I think that I'm lucky
You say that that its you
Whose the lucky one
Out of us two
I just smile and shake my head
But you don't like that
No
You interupt that negative thought
You alter my memory
Just by being you
To say that I'm falling
Is basically right
I think I've been falling
For most of my life
To say that I'm falling
Is basically true
But lately the one I've been falling for
Is you
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I fail.
Yep, congrats ladies and gentlemen (and nick who doesn't qualify for either of those categories! :D ) you are looking at....well not really looking as so much, reading about, someone who completely fails.
I forgot about my blog. "HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?" you might ask, my reply: I don't know!
School has been super busy! OH MY GOODNESS! I have so many projects looming around me I feel as though they are staring at me while I type this. I have to register for my next semester of basics in the next week or so... UGH!
Oh, and I'm thinking about attending UAB's nursing program instead of Bevill's. Daddy has been saying that he thinks that I really need to get a four year degree (in case I want to teach nursing one day- HA!) so if, I'm going to do that, I might as well start out at the school where I'm going to finish. but I just don't know yet. It all depends on what Julie and I decide... Julie Hubbert is coming back and we are going to be doing nursing together! HAPPY!!!!!!!! Everyone needs a buddy. lol. (Lucy and Ethel; Thelma and Lousie; Monica and Rachel)
So I'm pretty pumped about that!
My sister is in the process of writing a short story for one of her classes and wants me to read the rough draft and give my "honest opinon"... and I'm really exctied about it! I miss writing and critiquing people's work... MAN I MISS AP ENGLISH! notice I said, English, NOT high school.
Anyways, umm... let's see, Me, Jillann, Autumn, Mary Beth, Peyton and Haley went to go see DISNEY ON ICE... and it was AWESOME! ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! I loved it, I felt like a two year old. lol.
OH! And In case you didn't know this: NEW MOON COMES OUT IN TWELVE DAYS! I CAN'T WAIT!
That's pretty much it for now. I'm not really all that interesting anymore. Which is happy. Less drama. lol!
I forgot about my blog. "HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?" you might ask, my reply: I don't know!
School has been super busy! OH MY GOODNESS! I have so many projects looming around me I feel as though they are staring at me while I type this. I have to register for my next semester of basics in the next week or so... UGH!
Oh, and I'm thinking about attending UAB's nursing program instead of Bevill's. Daddy has been saying that he thinks that I really need to get a four year degree (in case I want to teach nursing one day- HA!) so if, I'm going to do that, I might as well start out at the school where I'm going to finish. but I just don't know yet. It all depends on what Julie and I decide... Julie Hubbert is coming back and we are going to be doing nursing together! HAPPY!!!!!!!! Everyone needs a buddy. lol. (Lucy and Ethel; Thelma and Lousie; Monica and Rachel)
So I'm pretty pumped about that!
My sister is in the process of writing a short story for one of her classes and wants me to read the rough draft and give my "honest opinon"... and I'm really exctied about it! I miss writing and critiquing people's work... MAN I MISS AP ENGLISH! notice I said, English, NOT high school.
Anyways, umm... let's see, Me, Jillann, Autumn, Mary Beth, Peyton and Haley went to go see DISNEY ON ICE... and it was AWESOME! ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! I loved it, I felt like a two year old. lol.
OH! And In case you didn't know this: NEW MOON COMES OUT IN TWELVE DAYS! I CAN'T WAIT!
That's pretty much it for now. I'm not really all that interesting anymore. Which is happy. Less drama. lol!
Monday, October 12, 2009
thank you michael buble....just saying:
I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up And Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid That I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet Mmmmm .... I Might Have To Wait I'll Never Give Up I Guess It's Half Timing And The Other Half's Luck Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Possibility Mmmmm ...... And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet They Say All's Fair And In Love And War But I Won't Need To Fight It We'll Get It Right And We'll Be United And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility Mmmm ..... And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out And I'll Work To Work It Out Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet I Just Haven't Met You Yet Oh Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up And Then I Let Myself Down.
I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid That I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet Mmmmm .... I Might Have To Wait I'll Never Give Up I Guess It's Half Timing And The Other Half's Luck Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Possibility Mmmmm ...... And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid I'll Get So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet They Say All's Fair And In Love And War But I Won't Need To Fight It We'll Get It Right And We'll Be United And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility Mmmm ..... And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out And I'll Work To Work It Out Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet I Just Haven't Met You Yet Oh Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My nothingness...
Nothing really interesting has been going on as of late.
No drama... much... :D
Let's see... School is fine and boring.
I'm ready to go crazy with nothing to do in the afternoons and that's not going to change in the near future.
Oh bless... that's all I have to say...
No drama... much... :D
Let's see... School is fine and boring.
I'm ready to go crazy with nothing to do in the afternoons and that's not going to change in the near future.
Oh bless... that's all I have to say...
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